


Alone

by abrandnewheart



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, they grew up and grew apart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 14:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7511932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abrandnewheart/pseuds/abrandnewheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first it was easy to pretend that everything was okay, that everything was going to work out, that they’d definitely, one hundred percent meet up and hang out during the Summer break. </p><p>Or the Winter break.<br/>Or over the Spring break.</p><p>~</p><p>A story of missed chances, of growing up, and growing apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

They were soulmates,in some weird, distorted sense, Iwaizumi supposed. Together since they were children, always near each other, always somehow managing to end up in classes together, on teams together. They would only part for university. Tooru was heading to Tokyo, to a school with a good reputation for athletics. It was better for his career, and they both knew it. And staying at home was better for Iwaizumi’s medical degree, and family. And so, they went their separate ways.

 

They messaged every day. At first it was easy to pretend that everything was okay, that everything was going to work out, that they’d _definitely, one hundred percent_ meet up and hang out during the Summer break.

 

Or the Winter break.

Or over the Spring break.

  


No, no, definitely over the next Summer break, then.

 

Life has a funny way of making things not work out, though. It didn’t matter what Iwaizumi _wanted_ , what mattered was that Tooru was always busy, social butterfly that he was. Tooru was always full of reassurances that, ‘You’re still my Iwa-chan, don’t worry!’ What mattered, though, was that Tooru was bogged down with training and studying and networking and socialising. Iwaizumi, determined to graduate in the top of his class, was more bogged down with studying than anything else. There simply wasn’t time.

 

~

 

And yet, and yet. They still messaged frequently. Tooru asked how things were back at home. Iwaizumi answered that they were good, and asked how things were in Tokyo. He got paragraph upon paragraph in response, about new friends - a boy named Arata seemed to come up a lot - new teammates, new classes.

 

It was so lovely to know he was doing well, and really making the most of everything Tokyo had to offer. He didn’t let on how bored he was without Tooru’s presence.

 

~

 

_I miss you. It’s been way too long since we’ve seen each other._

_I was in the park the other day - remember where we used to climb the trees? The ones you used to always fall out of and where you always ended up crying and covered in snot. They’re tearing it down, replacing it with housing or something. It’s a bit sad._

 

The words sit on the page, cursor blinking at the end. His fingers hover over the enter button.

 

They are in their third years at university. They haven’t seen each other once since leaving Aoba Josai. They really should, really, really ought to try to meet up, try to hang out. Maybe then he’ll have closure, maybe then he’ll be able to stop thinking about everything that came before.

 

He deletes the message and replaces it.

 

_Let me know next time you’re back at home. We should hang out for old times’ sake._

 

He gets an affirmative, but no date for coming home ever comes his way.

 

~

 

Iwaizumi happens to run across Tooru’s mother in town as she’s leaving a store, one weekend. He’d always liked her; she was like a mother to him, too, and she’d referred to him as her ‘little son-in-law’ more than once, when he was younger. She was a charming lady, and she made obvious to see where Tooru had inherited everything from.

 

What Iwaizumi hadn’t expected was Tooru to come out of that same store, not even thirty seconds after her, carrying multiple bags of groceries.

 

“Mom, what are you waiting for-” Tooru starts to say, though he stops right in his tracks as he sees who she’s speaking to. “Iwaizumi,” He breathes, eyes wide. “It’s been a while.”

 

Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything. Tooru is older, now, and it’s much more obvious in person than seeing it through profile pictures on social media. He’s still lean, still toned, still strong, perhaps even more so than he’d been when they were younger. His hair is different, _he_ is different, though Iwaizumi can’t quite put his finger on how.

“Yeah,” Is all he says in reply. “It has been. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been good,” Tooru answers, and his mother makes a move to take the bags from his hand.

“Go spend time with your friend,” She instructs him. “I can manage these.”

She’s on her way before Tooru can protest.

 

“Coffee?” Iwaizumi offers, “There’s a nice little place down the road.”

 

They make their way there in silence.

 

Iwaizumi orders, and Tooru refuses to let him pay for anything but his own drink.

 

They sit by the window, facing each other.

 

“It seems like you have fun in Tokyo.”

“Mm. It’s really nice.”

“It really seems it. I like all the photos you upload of the city at night.”

“Thank you.”

 

If he didn’t know better, Iwaizumi could almost pretend it was just like old times. He could almost pretend that the quiet was because of how comfortable they were with each other, that they didn’t mind not talking constantly.

 

“I’m not in town for very long. I just came back for the weekend to see mom.”

“I figured. Don’t worry about it. Life happens.”

 

He’s so beautiful when he looks out the window, hand propping up his chin, afternoon sunlight illuminating him. He always has been, really. Iwaizumi almost regrets never telling him this before.

 

They finish their coffees in silence.

 

“I really need to go, Iwaizumi.” The name feels cold on Iwaizumi’s ears, not warm like his nicknames used to. “I have a few things I need to get done before I go home. I’m sorry I can’t stay longer.”

“When will you be back again?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll let you know. Maybe we can contact Mattsun and Makki?”

“Sure. Just let me know and I’ll organise it.”

  


Iwaizumi watches Tooru leave until he is but just another figure in the crowd.

  


He never gets a date for when Tooru is next due home. The get-together never gets planned.

 

~

 

The thing about Tooru is that a little bit isn’t enough. A lot is never enough, and the more someone has, the more they want.

 

And Iwaizumi had had the most out of anyone he knew, or knew about. He’d been the one Tooru had come to when he was doubting himself, the one who was the shoulder to cry on, the one who was always there, _always._

 

That’s what’s in his head when he’s in Tokyo in a bar. Officially he’s away on business, but there’s nothing stopping him from going out for a few drinks.

 

He comes to the conclusion that the universe must hate him. Or love him. He isn’t sure, because the next thing he knows, Tooru’s entered the bar with a handful of people behind him. Of all the bars in this city, he had to be here? Tonight?

 

Iwaizumi manages to spend most of the evening without disturbance.

 

And then he decides to go to the bathroom before he leaves, and who else should be there but Tooru?

 

Neither of them say anything, not at first. They go about their business, instead, and it’s only when they’re both heading back to the bar area that either of them say anything.

“Funny, seeing you in Tokyo.” It’s Tooru who speaks first.

“Just here on some company stuff. Only having a couple drinks before I head back to the hotel. You look like you’re out celebrating.”

“Oh, it’s Arata’s birthday.”

“The one you used to play volleyball with? In university?”

“My boyfriend. Yes.”

 

Boyfriend.

Foolish, to think that he wouldn’t have one. Foolish to have brushed off Tooru holding the other man’s hand as ‘just Tooru being Tooru’. Foolish of him to think that Tooru might still be caught in their sort of-almost-maybe from high school. Foolish to think he wouldn’t have moved on.

 

Iwaizumi shakes away any unpleasant feelings and forces a smile. “I didn’t know you had one. Good for you! Let me buy you a drink, yeah? For old time’s sake. And introduce me to this boyfriend of yours.”

 

Tooru purses his lips, but shrugs it off, nods, and goes to grab his boyfriend while Iwaizumi heads to the bar to order them some drinks.

  


Arata is oddly disconcerting. He’s stocky, with dark hair. He plays volleyball for a local team. He’s a doctor. He seems a little rough around the edges, but the way he looks at Tooru is like nothing Iwaizumi has words to describe. He hides his smile every time Tooru says or does something even a little silly,

 

Iwaizumi makes an excuse to leave before he’s even finished his beer.

 

~

 

Iwaizumi receives an invite to the wedding a year later.

He trashes it and does his best to forget.

 

~

 

He curses whatever stars have fated him to this life on a chilly Winter morning at the train station. Who should come and stand near him on the platform but Tooru? He tries his best not to be seen, but it doesn’t work. It never has. It never will. Not when he’s been cursed to always have to be near the one thing he wants most and still can’t have, even now.

“Iwaizumi?”  

He doesn’t answer, aside from the slightest head turn to acknowledge that his name had been said.

“It is you!” Tooru sounds happy, and Iwaizumi can see the smile from the corner of his eye.

“Mm.”

“How have you been?”

“Same old, same old.” Iwaizumi looks at his shoes. “You?”

“I’m good. I’m - I’m great.”

 

Silence, until Iwaizumi speaks once more, more of politeness than or any burning desire to speak. “Congrats. On the wedding. Sorry I couldn’t come.”

“Oh, that’s alright, don’t worry. None of the old team could come. You know Mattsun and Makki are dating again?”

“I didn’t, no. Good for them.”

 

Another silence. Where the hell was the train?

“How are things for you, anyway? No girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Also no.”

“Someone you’re interested in?”

“Unfortunately yes.”

“Ooh! Tell me more!”

“You know exactly who it is.”

 

He doesn’t know what he’s doing, why he’s saying it. There’s nothing to be gained from this line of conversation, only more heartache and knowing for sure that he can’t have what he wants, what he’s wanted from when they were seven and he promised that he’d always been there for Tooru.

 

More silence.

 

“Even now?” Tooru’s voice is quiet.

“Yeah.”

 

The next thing Iwaizumi knows, he’s blindsided by a hug, one hand around his middle and the other holding his head to Tooru’s shoulder. It’s not a position he’d ever been used to. Normally he was the one doing the comforting.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, stu-” The temptation to slip into old nickname habits is strong. “You didn’t do anything.”

“Still.”

 

Iwaizumi pulls away as an announcement comes on over the tannoy. His train is delayed, due to ‘unexpected circumstances’. Typical.

 

Tooru reaches for his hand. Iwaizumi can almost pretend that things are okay, like this.

 

Maybe in another universe they would have been. Maybe in one of the probably infinite parallel universes that they discussed often when they were younger, maybe in one of them they were standing like this and it wasn’t because Tooru felt sorry for him. Maybe there’s a universe where Tooru never left for university, where they were together for that, instead, and Iwaizumi mustered enough courage to admit his feelings. Maybe there’s a universe where Iwaizumi was talented enough to go to Tokyo as well. Maybe there was one where _neither_ of them were anything special and they just relished being with each other.

 

Maybe there was a universe where they were happy. There had to be at least one were they weren’t, and this one was obviously it.

 

A train comes while Iwaizumi is still lost in his thought.

Tooru lets go of his hand, spins and presses a peck to his cheek, whispers, “I’m sorry, Iwa-chan,” and jogs to the train just as the doors close.

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi calls, “I-” But he doesn’t know how to finish his sentence, so he just falls quiet and returns to staring at his feet.

 

Tooru doesn’t look back.

**Author's Note:**

> I totally didn't cry when I was writing this, god no. I swear. 
> 
> Feedback makes my day. Follow me at abrandnewheart on tumblr if you want to keep up with my writing endeavours!


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